crossposted from Having Read the Fine Print
There are things we are allowed to earn.
This is a link farm masquerading as a post. It is rambling masked as thoughtfulness but it is necesary to me to move forward
It started with a NYT article sometime in February , eons ago about people’s fantasies about the First Family’s life, eons ago in internet time.
The article encapsulated the fears and regrets of the type of people I went to high school and college with, the uses of the FF for many people around America , as reflectors. It is written in that breezy style of hey it may be bad but we’re all guilty AM I Right?
It scared me and repulsed me a bit. Because many of the quotes conveyed in that say it but don’t say it that underling buzz that should be comfortable second nature by now
That the Obama’s hadn’t earned how happy they were. That there was nothing THAT special about them that earned them the right to out distance their peers as much as they had. The quotes are hilarious in that morbid way
Of course I know nobody with his political gifts, speaking skills and confidence, and he’s also a gifted writer and thinker. But I feel like one or two different turns for Obama or me and he could have been someone my friends and I wouldn’t think it extraordinary to have in our circle.”
You see despire being infinitely gifted and talented, civic minded to a degree the speaker is not convinced that anything about the Obama’s is THAT special.
Another speaker bemoans the fact that while the President was working and he was partying that he did not understand why he wasn’t reaping those “benefits”.
And while a longer more fashionable post could be constructed on the Obama’s , what killed me is
the idea that there are things we are allowed to earn .
That there are certain things that no matter what we went through to get them we have to justify having them.
When I spoke to lowermanhattanite about it , he mentioned that in the case of the Obama’s people failed to understand that outside of the things we are couched to look for ” They extended to each other their good will”
More importantly they extended their good will and their will to goodness ( their interpretation of it ) to
THEMSELVES.
More importantly how often are POC especially WOC encouraged to NOT extend that godwill to our selves but taught we have to earn it.
There has to be a REASON we are worth our own time. What would happen if we imagined that being ourselves for whatever we were doing whatever we wanted to do was enough? What would happen if we ALSO LEARNED that every human being was worth that.
What would happen if we learned that our true power was not about getting others to do what we wanted or to stop us form having to do what we felt was “too hard” but in ensuring that everyone was safe and protected and had room not what we wanted or imagined them to be but to be able to present aware and accountable for their life however they chose to LIVE IT?
We would have to ask hard questions
like why isn’t it like that now.
Why is it that you finding yourself loveable is so dangerous.
Self-love is a declaration of war if you’re of color-skywardprodigal.
The things you expose, when you say .
I am lovable . I am lovable to live the life I was meant to live. That
It isn’t fair, to ask me to answer for things I am not speaking of. It isn’t right to make me believe I am less than.
How strong do you become when instead of doing EVERYTHING
you say
Enough is enough.
Do you know the PROBLEMS you raise with that baby girl.
When you say that their is no concept BIG ENOUGH,no institution GREAT ENOUGH to sacrifice the well being of one person. That if it hurts ANYONE in anyway that it can not be accountable for . It should be STOPPED.
DO you know what people think of you when you say you are worthy of being that person.
Did you EARN it ? Did you earn the right to believe you could live the way you wanted and SAY OUT LOUD
What do you do when you point out that we don’t earn it.
That that horror that rape that happens when you don’t believe someone has ” earned the right to tell you no”,
That there is an OUT for you.
Power can be taken. With the right resources, idea, and environment, women can be raped. This is the message. This is what is accepted.
That no matter what you will be an anomaly a special case. That we will do our darnedest to pretend that ” rape culture” is an academic concept rather than a deeply encoded message of what you are doing is okay. And we will only truly pitch hell if it happens in a way so heinous we can’t ignore or to women who truly create the perfect victim and they better act “right”.
Because do you know what kind of trouble you can cause when you say that this system is not worth ME?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING WHEN YOU SAY YOU CAN NEVER EARN THIS?
That no matter what the damage done to me is real damage . That it hurts it bleeds it oozes and it
IS NOT MY FAULT.
It is not my fault that I woke up in this shit we helped make and it is killing me .
And if it is not my fault it is not my responsibility to pretend it didn’t happen. It is my choice . And I choose that everyone should know
Society did this to her–made her sick–cut off a much loved piece of her body because of that sickness. Now society could very well face what it had done to her. She would not hide the violence behind a prosthesis.
She refused the quiet.
And it was the women who were outraged about it.
You deserve to be loved? Did you earn it?
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU ARE SAYING ?
You know how much hell you gonna raise with that idea love.
That being you is not enough to have to be afraid of the world. That you don’t OWE anyone any thanks for loving you. That YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON and you do what you have to to survive not because you are so very very grateful.
That if you are lovable the way you are , that people are love able for just not being you. Did you earn the right to make anybody think they had to lead a worthy life?
Are you ready for the maelstrom ?
That you think that noticing that no matter how many times you said things over and over, that you noticing none of the supposed benefits are reaped by you. That no matter how many times you talk no one gets “better” or even basic.
That you don’t have to reinforce the idea your HUMAN? That anyone who needs a guiding hand in doing shit that isn’t dehumanizing and wrong need not get MORE of your time.
That dear god someone may have to face repercussions for being awful to you? That if the only they can see is how to use you to make THEM better you don’t approve.
Show me where you EARNED THAT?
And YOU?!?!
to point out that our very need to write stories comes from this very situation of believing that
WHAT WE ARE TOLD IS WHAT WE ARE TAUGHT.
You do not have a right to live. There are no stories for you, to teach you how to survive, because the world would prefer you didn’t. You don’t get to be human, to understand your suffering or move beyond it. In the perfect future society, you do not exist. We who are colorblind, genderblind, sexualityblind would prefer not to see you even now. In the world we make in our heads, you have been obliterated–even better, you never were. You are incapable of transcendance. You are not worthy of the most essential of human behavior. If you are lucky, we will let you into our stories, and you can learn to be a whore, or someone’s mother, or someone’s slave, or someone’s prey. That is all you are, so pay attention: this is what we want to teach you to be.
How dare you believe that we who have been the constant recipients of this education. To say it aloud? That there is no irony here in wiping us from it , there is no accident, just justification. That if you erase me, if you silence me , if you destroy me there is only that no that and the reason but that and if you wish to use me I WILL GOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE FOR THAT. That you are fooling no one when exactly what we said is repeated by someone you think is more acceptable and it is “good”.
That achieving that goodness is how we EARN IT?
And you don’t you ever point out that this IT were earning .
If no one questions anything above if no one asks why WE and no one else have to bear the brunt
Because there is nothing we CAN do to EARN this. Because should we not die . Should we not be ostracized erased disposed, ground to bits in cauldrons of violence. of indifference of disgust and venom…
Should we ACTUALLY take that unbeaten path we are supposed to tread.
Should it lead to ANYWHERE but utter destruction
because that is the thing we must earn keeping utter destruction at bay.
if we manage to live and god forbid find happiness or believe we have a right to look for it
and if we prove that maybe just maybe not being us is NOT enough to insure happiness and as long as not being us is presented as a way to being happy there is a chance NO ONE WILL BE.
Maybe we coul dprove it by joining ” a book club”
I know you have earned it loves, what I don’t know is why you had to.
